Dad, it's been 2 weeks since you left suddenly
Dad, when you left, I was 2 days away from my first paper
Dad, when you called up at 6:53am in the morning to tell Mum that you had a tightness in the chest, I didn't think much of it
Still, Mum and I rushed downstairs
Dad, when we got there you were already on the road, I went to find the car while Mum went to your aid
Dad, I got to where you were with the car
Dad, I knew something was seriously wrong when I saw your face
Dad, Mum and I saw a wound near your knee as you lay on the road
Dad, you must have fallen because it was too painful for you to carry on walking to our block
Dad, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most - Like how you always were for me.
Dad, Mum had already called the ambulance while I was getting the car,
Dad, they tried to resuscitate you while waiting for the ambulance
Dad, I couldn't follow you and Mum to hospital in the ambulance and could only go back upstairs
Dad, they continued to do so on the way to the hospital
Dad, you wouldn't wake up
Dad, I got the call from the hospital at 7:53am
Dad, before this, the main thing on my mind was my exams
But Dad, at that point, I realised that I didn't care anymore
Dad, I checked with the school but they wouldn't allow me to postpone my exams
Dad, I still had to go on
Dad, we couldn't claim your body from the hospital till the next morning.
Dad, for the first time in years, I slept with Mum and Mei in one room that night
Dad, the next morning, the casket company took your body to be washed and dressed
Dad, we had to wait one whole day till you arrived in a white box at our block in the evening
And Dad, can you believe I was still studying while waiting for your body to arrive
Dad, I knew that I couldn't give up completely
Dad, I placed your Bible at the foot of the coffin when it arrived
Dad, I hope you don't mind that I turned to and highlighted 2 Tim 4:7
Dad, many sent flowers, and these were placed on stands near the coffin
Dad, we used a photograph of you which was part of a family photo shoot in a studio a few years back
Dad, the area near the coffin smelt pretty good - because of the flowers
Dad, you looked so different in that coffin
Dad, I had to tell myself that that wasn't you anymore
Dad, I remembered when Sister Linda passed away, I wrote some stuff down here as well
Dad, little did I know I'd be writing something like this so soon
Dad, many friends and brethren came to your wake that night,
Dad, we drew strength from their love and concern,
Dad, even though God has called you home, He has taken care of us, don't worry for us
Dad, many of the youth stayed to watch over the coffin while I went upstairs to sleep because I had an exam the next day
Dad, I woke up the next day and didn't want to go for my exam
Dad, I went downstairs anyway to tell you I was going for my exam
Dad, you didn't respond
Dad, some of my friends came over to see you after the paper,
Dad, some of them cried for me,
Dad, I have good friends, don't worry for me
Dad, the wake was still ongoing,
Dad I wanted to spend the last few hours beside the body you had called your own for 57 years
So Dad, I had to study for my next paper while sitting beside your coffin
Dad, that was the hardest thing that I had to do in my life
Dad, i never imagined that I would have to do that
Dad, I look back and wonder how in the world did I even manage to do that
How..
But Dad, God takes care of His children
So Dad, I did.
Dad, I got annoyed with your sister because she kept asking me to pose beside your coffin for photos
Dad, what was i supposed to do then? Smile?
Dad, so I lost it, but fortunately, in the privacy of the house with no one but Mum around
Dad, I'm sorry - there were so many things, so many many things I was going through at that point
Dad, once I got my driving license you would get me to drive most of the time
Dad, I guess you got tired of driving after all these years,
Dad, I remember you used to ferry me to and fro school till I was Primary 6
Dad, you were always the one who had to drive before I got my driving license
Dad, sometimes I'd feel annoyed when you asked me to drive because I wanted to slack at the back
Dad, I know you wanted to do so as well,
And Dad, I want to tell you, that after all those years of driving here and there, I should have gladly driven you around without a single complaint,
But Dad, I guess this wasn't the case all the time
Dad, it struck me that day when we were in uncle Charlie's car following your hearse to the crematorium: "Hey Daddy, now you get to sit at the back and relax, you don't have to drive anymore"
Dad, you weren't sitting though, you were lying in a box at the back of the hearse,
Daddy, I'm sorry
Dad, we finally had to cremate your body
Dad, you always said that I had cold hands as compared to yours
At the crematorium, before we said as last goodbyes to you, I reached into your coffin and touched your hands
Dad, your body's hands were cold, and they felt as if they were made from clay
Dad, look whose hands are cold now
Dad, on the brighter side, your hair was still soft
Dad, I now had to say goodbye to the shell which housed you - the shell which I came to know and recognise as Daddy for the past 22 years
Dad, I don't know how I was able to turn away and let them wheel your coffin to the furnace
Dad, we were able to collect your ashes from the casket company the next day,
Dad, we are going to place your ashes at the All Saint's Home near our church - the same place where your dad's ashes are placed too
Dad, most of the niches there were taken up - apparently, it's a popular choice - but at least we got you a cosy little corner
Dad, we bought a little picket fence and made a small yard in front of your niche, we took one of your smallest model cars and placed it within the yard
Dad, we're do it up real nice soon, it'll look real nice I promise
Dad, you have left us physically
But Dad, every little thing I do reminds me of you
Dad, all your things are left behind in the house - you have alot of stuff
Dad, everywhere we look, there is something of yours lying around
Dad, your jeans and long pants which you wear to church are still hanging behind the door
Dad, we can't bear to wash them because your scent still lingers on those clothes of yours, so we left them as they were
Dad, your model cars and helicopters are as you left them in your little workshop - We aren't going to give them away so don't worry - But we need to give away your cans of spray paint lest they dry up
Dad, it occurred to me that I never went on your daily morning walks with you though I said I would go with you one day
Dad, I'm sorry that I never really treated Father's Day as seriously as I took Mother's Day
Dad, I packed up some of your Foundation Class notes and passed them on to Amos today
Dad, you left such a deep impression on many of our brethren
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, I long for your physical presence
Dad, you were never one to be very noisy around the house
But Dad, with you no longer in the house, there is a silence
Dad, we turn on the radio and the TV so we don't have to face that silence when we're at home
But Dad, it doesn't really work out, because this is a different kind of silence. A silence which cannot be broken by the radio or the TV, or even friends when they come to visit
And Dad, it's so different that it get's stifling - I find it hard to breathe just going through that everyday - this void you've left
Dad, I've finished my exams already
But Dad, I've still been keeping myself busy these few days,
Dad, there's been a bible lectureship at Jurong these few days and I've been there
Dad, I really appreciate the fellowship of the many brethren and friends
Dad, so many people have come up to us to comfort us saying that we will meet again one day
Dad, I know that's true
But Dad, how long?
Dad, true, the days have been busy, but at night when all is quiet again my mind starts to race
Dad, I wonder what your spirit is doing right now
Dad, I wonder if you know what's going on back home
Dad, I wonder if you're thinking of us
Dad, I used to think I was good at expressing my feelings,
But Dad, I can't express ..
Dad, I miss you - I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to you properly
I guess it's bye for now Daddy, thank you..and wait for me - because when my work here in this world is done, I will come and join you - but I can't come just yet
Suddenly Dad, I'm no longer a 22 year old young adult - I'm your less than a year old baby boy sitting on your lap again
Daddy I Love You
Love Bab
